did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
