The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
