dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
