who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
