Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
is wine microwaveable?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
