Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
