Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
