Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
whose parrot is this?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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