I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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