My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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