I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
