I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
