go do what you do best...puke behind churches
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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