I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
