if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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