I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
