Jerry, you need to find god
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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