and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize