1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
