Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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