woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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