I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
