would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize