I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
