I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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