as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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