so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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