it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
