yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
