Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
