my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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