I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
