I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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