Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
