I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
