k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
