i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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