and she was petting her beer can
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
