she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
