The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
the liver wants what the liver wants
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
