I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
