i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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