not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
