i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
