Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
