What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
