Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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