...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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