I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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