Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
