I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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