I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
