Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Please don't give away my fajitas
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
