I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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