Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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