We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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