I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
