Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
