he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
