tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
