It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize