Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
