so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
