I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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