I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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