I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
