Need sex. Gaining weight.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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